What’s the Right ‘Compensation’ for Care?
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I saw multiple videos aimed at pointing out the monetary value of what mothers do. One video tried to “value” motherhood by tallying the salaries of a househelp, a cook, and many more as an attempt to stir the audience. Some even went to the point of calling the work mothers do as unpaid labour.
Though I appreciate their intent, I find this approach quite odd, and in fact, doing a disservice to the cause they are championing (assuming that cause is making people realise the worth of what a mother does).
The world as it is today appreciates only what has a monetary or status value associated with it. If it isn’t bringing money or upping the social game, it’s worthless. As a consequence, all caregiving and nourishing jobs have seeped to the bottom of the social hierarchy.
Doctors are respected, nurses not so much. Teaching is often the last career option, if nothing else works out. Any sort of cleaning or maintenance job makes one untouchable. People sacrificing their careers to take care of the elderly or people with special needs or to run their families lose respect/importance in proportion to the money they supposedly lose.
Women who handle both their jobs and families are lauded. But if they lose their job, suddenly they are “just a homemaker.” Men sadly don’t even get the option to lose the job and are never provided the space and consideration that a homemaker should get (which women homemakers thankfully get).
It’s easy to assume that the way to “fix this” is to put a price tag on the work caregivers do (using caregiver as a collective term here onwards). But that’s a clear misfire, because it attempts to find value for this work within a system that doesn’t understand it.
In fact, the forceful desire to value everything by an associated price tag is exactly what leads to devaluing everything that falls outside this framework. People do have a sense of this silliness, it’s just that they’re so entrenched in it that they need to be reminded. Ask anyone: does a shoe or a watch that costs lacs of rupees matter more than the care their partner or parent provides? The sane ones would know the answer.
Do mothers prepare food for their children or their families to save money? Do they take care of the house so they don’t have to pay a househelp? Do people who take a backseat at their jobs to care for family members do it because they don’t want to pay a nurse or helping staff?
More importantly, what if they do hire a staff, a cook, a househelp, a nurse, does the value of their work diminish?
No. Because they don’t do it for monetary gain. They do it for the good old phenomenon we call love. They see their family, their home, as an extension of themselves. They don’t simply live in their house or live with their family, they belong to them. To them, making sure their family gets the best care isn’t a job, it’s a lifetime’s priority.
Just like the sun doesn’t know but to spread sunshine, a tree doesn’t know but to drop fruits, a river doesn’t know but to share water, a caregiver doesn’t know but to give care. It’s natural for them. Doesn’t mean it’s easy. But it’s essential. And irreplaceable.
I know women who cook not because there’s a need, but because they love to. I know men who sacrifice everyday small things for their family not because they were asked to, but because they love to. Will we put a price tag on values like love, devotion, and sacrifice? Can we?
A better way to appreciate a caregiver’s work (including the work mothers do) is to appreciate those who do things out of care. To make them feel valuable, heard, and supported. And most importantly, to not make them feel devalued due to the lack of a price tag.
And this cannot be mere lip service.
This means being considerate towards their work in everyday ways. Like making plans while being conscious of the work caregivers have to do after going back home. Allowing them the emotional and mental space to express, at times vent—as they are doing work that demands emotional heavy lifting. Allowing them to care unabashedly. Not making them feel like they’re putting effort into something secondary.
And most importantly, by realising that living a good life, caring for people around us, taking care of people’s needs, this is what real life is. A career, money, ambitions, they are all ways to support it. Money is great because it allows you to live a more considerate life. One where you can get the best of everything for yourself and for your family.
It is only by recognising that caregiving is an essential human skill (one that everyone needs to develop and prioritise) that we can truly discover an understanding towards mothers and caregivers around us. It is by giving care that we can learn to value care.
Speaking figuratively: it is by becoming mothers that we can understand mothers 😊❤️
P.S. Just to be clear: I’m not saying that paid caregivers don’t deserve fair compensation or that they should work purely for love. In fact, one of the biggest reasons caregiving in our country falls short is because these roles aren’t valued in pay. It’s on us, as a society, to ensure cooks and housekeepers, nurses and caregivers receive handsomely what their work is truly worth. We need to fix this now.